3 Blocks to Transformation
The main blocks to transformation involve…
- Mindset; whether or not I believe I can evolve,
- Competence; whether or not I understand how to engage in the practices that will support my evolution and
- Structure; do I have the necessary systems and support in place?
Coaching addresses all three of these and I’d like to focus on mindset here. When you think about your “why” for seeking coaching is it rooted in the desire to improve yourself? Do you belive that you can improve?
Self Improvement vs. Self Unfoldment
Steve March, who developed a coaching model that has greatly influenced my practice, has created a distinction between Self Improvement and Self Unfoldment. He talks about how often people turn to coaching because they are looking for self-improvement; they want to be better, reach a goal, build a skill, and/ or solve a problem.
These goals might be fine in times of general skill building for things like career development, for example. However, it gets tricky when it comes to deepening in ways of being and personal healing. This is because at the core of self-improvement is a sense of deficiency. Here, we are rejecting our current selves, thinking we are broken and wanting to fix or change ourselves to get out of the discomfort.
The problem with this is that when we run into a challenge on our path to self-improvement, this validates the story that we are deficient and it is easy to give up from this place of shame and/or discomfort. The mindset becomes, “I don’t have what it takes to improve.” It’s a state of learned helplessness or the belief that “this is just the way I am”. So, when we start coaching with an intention to “improve” we essentially are setting ourselves up for failure.
The Latin Root of “Integrate” is “To Make Whole”
The goal of integration coaching isn’t about fixing or changing yourself or your situation. It’s about broadening your tolerance to be in discomfort, learning to turn toward conflict, and shortening the length of time spent in shutdown states. Brene Brown surfaced that the Latin root of the word “integrate” is “integrare,” which means “to make whole.” Being whole is having the awareness of and tending to the needs of even our most vulnerable parts. Being whole is trusting our intuition so we can make decisions from a place of deep knowing over fear. Our power is in our wholeness and Integration Coaching can support you in stepping through this portal into greater alignment and evolution of yourself.
Putting Self Unfoldment into Practice
Self Unfoldment starts from a place of being enough just as you are now, it is a practice of loving what’s in your way and allowing those parts to be seen and heard. Parts Work or Internal Family Systems is a modality that I also lean into which believes that we all have multiple personalities (or parts) and sometimes the parts of us that have been hurt in the past are “driving the bus” or making decisions and guiding our actions. Integrating these parts means that we are building relationships with them so that they can trust our intuitive, adult selves to “drive the bus” more often. These hurt parts are often stuck in the past and don’t realize our updated capacity and resources. This compassionate approach will allow these defensive, hurt parts to soften and integrate which will shift how we relate to ourselves, our environment, and our relationships.
The more self-aware we are, the more we will understand what our needs are, and the better we will be able to resource ourselves amidst life’s stressors. Ideally, from this place, we will build resilience, or the ability to quickly bounce back from adverse situations, and see challenging moments as opportunities for us to learn how to better tend to our hurt or defensive parts. The mindset from this place is one of curiosity, confidence, and trust in one’s abilities and capacity to face what life presents. The byproduct is a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Check in with yourself now. How has this shifted your “why” around seeking coaching? Are you feeling aligned with the process of self unfoldment and integration? Let’s continue the conversation…